There are moments when you know you need to move, to get out of the bed, get on the with the day, get up, get going. There are moments when you know you need to face what’s in front of you head on. There are moments when you know you need to find something that you want to do, that you love to do, and do that. But sometimes you don’t even know where to begin. You can’t identify what would make you happy or how to get from A to B. There a moments. Not all the time. But when enough of them are strung together it begins to weave a web, and then you get trapped. In moments, slowly binding you.
But there is only one way through those moments. Forward. Onward. There is only one way through the web, to cut the strands that bind. You must lash out, fight, rip and tear with all that you have. You must use you nails, your teeth, your wits, your humour, your love. You must fight the silk that entwines your authenticity, power, and inner beauty. This web you’ve woven with your thoughts, your doubts, your fears, it looks pretty on the outside, shimmering in the dewdrops, but it’s a trap. You can’t let it control you.
I’ve been here before, maybe you have too. I’ve walked this road and now I’m retracing my steps, are you there with me? The soles of my feet don’t fit exactly into the eroded foot prints left behind years before, but they are familiar to me nonetheless. There are many differences, but an equal number of similarities. And that means, I can get through it, and that also means, even if you’re here for the first time, I know you can too. I keep looking around wondering how I am here again. You keep looking around wondering how you are here at all. It doesn’t matter. We must stop wondering how we got here. Instead, we must shake off the dew drops, rip and tear, until we are standing in a shredded web of our shattered ego minds together.
I was lent a book recently, at the precise moment when I needed to read it. It’s called Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed. She says, “How many [women] didn’t collapse in a heap of “I could have been better than this” and instead went right ahead and became better than anyone would have predicted or allowed them to be. The unifying theme is resilience and faith. The unifying theme is being a warrior… It is not fragility. It’s strength. It’s nerve… Do you think miners stand around all day talking about how hard it is to mine for coal? They do not. They simply dig. You need to do the same, dear sweet arrogant beautiful crazy talented tortured rising star glowbug… I want to know what you have inside you. I want to see the contours of your second beating heart.”
Sometimes I wonder why I write here. Why tell the world what I think and feel? I know a part of it is because writing helps me process my thoughts, and see things in a new light. But beyond that, it’s because sometimes I am blessed enough to read exactly what I need to hear in a moment, and maybe just once, for one person, I’ll be blessed enough to share exactly what they need to hear.
Dig. Push through. Rip and tear and fight with all that you have for the best version of yourself, the happiest version of yourself, the truest version of yourself, the most love filled version of yourself… because you are worth it. I promise you.